I tried to go into a work for few hours. I had planned to work for 6 hours. Then I got in so late to the office, I thought I would only stay for 4 hours.
Then after two hours, I just couldn't take it any more and went home.
I am sure its one of the effects from the Radiation treatments. Its not making me tired. Its more like a lack of energy.
And on top of that, my tummy is bothering me. It could be a touch of flu, the flu is going around.
It just feels like my stomach has to much acid.
To quote a co-worker from about 10 years back "My stomach is all tore up."
So once I was done at the office, I just came home, put on my pajamas and went straight to bed with my laptop and my library books.
How the Radiations Going
Driving to the hospital is getting to be a pain in the neck. Its taking nearly 2 hours out of my day, just for a treatment that takes 10 minutes.
At the office, I am listening to "How Not To Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie, as I do filing and data entry.
Then I've been listening to "The Road Less Traveled and Beyond" on tape as I drive to my radiation appointment.
And I hope making this journey every day is helping me to develop some discipline. I was thinking thats what discipline is.
Doing something that's difficult, every day over and over, on the same schedule.
I don't think I am usually a very disciplined person, and I am thinking that maybe I can make the daily drive itself become a Meditation of sorts.
I guess I don't really feel anything when they are aiming the Xray machine at me. Or at least, the doctors say I'm not feeling anything. Maybe its my hypoglycemia. I do have a tendency to panic while laying on the table.
The first dose of radiation from the right angle, I am fine. Then for the second dose, they raise me up in the air about 4 feet, and that dosage is longer. It during the second dose I start to panic alittle.
I think it has to do with the fact that I can't move a smidge while on the table. And being raised 4 feet in addition to that is a little weird.
At first, I was trying to pray during the treatment. Or repeat something like "God is control of the radiation."
But it wasn't really helping.
Then, one day while I was up four feet in the air, I started to think about God being in the room. And I pictured Jesus standing right next to me.
I started to calm down, and I felt much better.
I had a little bit of a burn by the treatment on Friday. I talked to the skin-care nurse, and she was advising me about using aloe vera on my skin three times a day. And they also mentioned that taking to much Vitamin E could make my skin sensitive.
And then it could also just be the fact that my skin is whiter than white....
Flicker had their screening or the "Attack of the 50 Foot Reels" tonight at Egyptian Theatre .
I volunteered and did the marketing survey, and got to chat with alot of people.
Then I stayed and watched about half of the short films. Some of them were realy great and original.
My favorite was called "Sunset to Sunset". The filmmaker started at Sunset Junction, and walked down Santa Monica Blvd all the way to the beach. He shot a piece of film every 20 steps or so.
It was really amazing to see.
The first rule of my Blog is that it is about Me. I very rarely post about other people. I don't like to get into the gossipy, grovel in the dirt, talk trash, type of blogging.
I really try to keep it light, with info and links about where I have been or what I recommend.
But I had a conversation with a friend (?) that just shocked me so much, I want to write about it.
I will try to keep the people and circumstances as anonymous as possible, while telling you about why I am so flippin' mad.
I was in a public place with two friends. Person #A, let call him Jackson. And Person #B, lets called him Billy.
Now I know Jackson somewhat well. We chat on the phone regularly, have hung out, and always talk about whats going on in our mutual worlds.
I know Jackson is a gay male, and we've chatted about our dating adventures in the past.
I don't know Billy that well, tho I have gotten together on occasion - we usually discuss the arts, and don't get to personal.
Both Jackson and Billy know that I attend church on a regular basis, as I have mentioned it in our conversations.
Jackson, Billy and I were hanging out in a public location - mall, restaurant, store - take your pick. We were having a nice visit and chatting.
A handsome man, with a small little girl, was in my location. His little girl was admiring my purse, so I smiled at her and showed her the design.
Jackson and Billy were looking at me and talking. They were within earshot of employees and customers.
I went back towards them. Jackson said "So Donna ?"
I was like "Huh?"
He kept nodding his head in a certain direction.
I said "What ?!?!"
Jackson said "That guy that was standing there - didn't you think he was handsome?"
I replied "I suppose so."
Jackson said "So why didn't you flirt more with him?"
I joked "Ummm, this isn't exactly singles night in a bar. They aren't serving cocktails. I was in line paying my bill."
He said "But don't you think he was handsome - you should have gone after him."
I replied "Okay, but he had a little girl with him. I was talking to her. I assumed that was his little girl, and he was married."
Jackson then said "Well, that doesn't matter. You should go after him anyway. If a man wants you, he'll break up his marriage for you. People leave their spouses all the time."
Billy rolled his eyes.
I was embarrassed, because there were employees and strangers around. And it was apparent that the employee's ears all perked up when he said this.
We were becoming the afternoon entertainment.
I said "No, I don't do that type of thing. I don't go after married men."
Jackson said "Well, it doesn't matter if they are married or not. The man I am dating right now, is married with three small children. And we are an item."
Oh, there was steam coming out of my ears. I was so mad after that remark.
"Well, I hope his wife knows he is cheating on her !"
The look on my face must have been enough. I am sure I looked madder than all hell.
Jackson pretty much shut up.
Billy had his nose in a book. I am sure he knew this was not a good conversation.
I said "Look, guys - I got to go. I have other things I need to get done."
I don't need to be in this situation, I wanted out.
I don't need someone giving me immoral and stupid advice while the employees eavesdrop.
A few days later, Jackson called me on the phone to chat. I decided to address some of my issues, and leave his business as his business.
Though I am not sure I even liked doing that.
I said "Listen, I didn't appreciate you discussing private matters in a location where people were listening in our conversation. If you want to have those discussions in private, thats fine. But not in public where there are strangers and employees listening."
Jackson just said "Oh, I didn't know we had Rules."
I said "It has nothing to do with Rules. You know I am conservative person, that I attend church - yet you are discussing sensitive matters in public. I don't appreciate that."
Jackson said "Okay, now I know the rules."
That isn't what I really wanted to say. I don't know if talking to Jackson, a man over 40 year old who should know better, would do any good.
What I want to do is scream at him at the top of my lungs "You Scum ! You are having an affair with a married man. You are stealing from his three children. Stealing precious time that they could be spending with their Father. Not to mention that the pig you are dating is being dishonest to his wife by having a relationship behind her back without telling her."
But I already know what Jackson would say, because I have had similar conversations with him already.
He's say something like "Oh, Donna, you don't know the pressures of being gay. Of having to put on a phoney Front in life to pretend you are straight, so people accept you."
He's told me that one before - come on, we live in Hollywood. There are all sorts of people around here.
He would tell me his Married Boyfriend is married with three children, just as cover because he is trying to fit into society.
Now, I don't really care if it is Gay relationship. I'm a flexible on my personal thoughts with that. I may be a church-going christian, but I am involved in the entertainment business - so alot of my guy friends are gay.
I would be just a Mad if a friend who is Female told me she was having an affair with a married man.
This is not a gender specific thing.
(About 12 years ago, I worked in an office where there was a young surfer girl having an affair with a rich, older, married man. One day, she brought him to the office and introduced him to her coworkers as "Her boyfriend". She couldn't understand when all the married women in the office were rude to him. She just didn't get it.)
This is about Honesty in life. And I absolutely don't respect people who lie.
Now that I know Jackson can be this dishonest, and can lie this easily - my opinion of him has totally changed.
I won't ever trust him ever again.
If he and his married boyfriend, Mr. Pig, are truly in love - well, the guy needs to be honest, tell his wife and ask for a divorce.
He needs to get out of the married relationship before he dates anyone else.
Not to mention, that this Married guy is totally telling lies to Jackson about whatever is going on in his personal life. And Jackson, who is 40-plus years old, should know better by now.
Chances are if Jackson and Mr. Pig end up together - a few years down the road, Mr. Pig will cheat on Jackson. Thats life.
But people believe what they want to believe.
Not to mention that Jackson should have realized he was talking to me - a straight woman hoping to find a husband. And he is telling me he is stealing from the kind of person I want to be - married, with children. He should have expected me to be Pissed off.
But now I know that Jackson is a pretty stupid person.
I'm just pissed off thats all.
I am angry that anyone would think it is okay to be dating someone who is married.
It is so bad, in so many ways.
Outstanding Movie on Tuesday
I decided to join La People Connection for their Leammle's Theatre night.
The movie was "New York Doll" .
I highly recommend this outstanding Rock Documentary.
I was expecting just your typical Rock & Roll Documentary. And it was so much more than that. It tells the story of Arthur Kane from the New York Dolls - after the band breaks up. He becomes a dedicated Mormon, and works for his church.
I was so touched by the movie.
The movie had such an amazing message, about choosing Faith. I think Arthur set such a good example when telling his former band mates about his new faith. And he took his work for the church very seriously.
And God really blessed Arthur, its amazing how his hopes and dreams come true.
Even though I am not Mormon, I highly recommend this movie as a great story about a Personal Faith Journey.
After the movie was over, we were discussing where to grab a bite to eat. Some people were talking about the movie.
One person, maybe two, were really putting the movie down.
They could not see why someone would lead a life of Religious Service - instead of wanting to be in a successful Rock Band.
They thought because he chose his religion, he was a simple kind of a person, and naive and dumb.
After a few people said things like that, and disagreed when I said how impressed I was by Arthur's faith - well, I just decided to pass on the dinner.
I really was touched by the movie. And I didn't want to go out to dinner with people who do not get the point of having personal religion.
I didn't want to spoil my wonderful mood.
You really should see this movie. Especially if you are interested in Religion. And especially if you like Rock & Roll.
Here's my Review on IMDB.com
Halloween Grocery Store
"In the course of the Day, when we Become Burdened, realize that we have forgotten God. In the act of Remembering God, of reminding ourselves of the reality of God, we will feel a lightness of being.
- Quote - The Heart of Christianity
Okay, yes - I had to go back for radiation today. Same schedule.
2:15 leave office in Hollywood
2:45 Radiation Treatment in Glendale
3:00 Get dressed, apply Aloe Vera and eat a Pear
3:45 - Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf
4:00 - Back at Work
After work, even tho it is officially Halloween, I went grocery shopping at Whole Foods .
This actually turned out to be smart, because no one was grocery shopping.
And as I drove home from the grocery store, going east - there were lines and lines of cars going west.
They were going either to the Halloween party on Santa Monica Blvd in West Hollywood, Or they were headed to Hollywood Blvd in the city of Hollywood.
Thank heavens I was going in the opposite direction.
After working a few hours, to make up my time of from the doctors - I headed out to church. My plan was to attend the evening service at Church on the Way .
When I drove up, the parking lot was suspiciously empty. There were about four other people wandering around.
The security guard came out to tell us that on the last Sunday of the month, everyone meets in private homes. So there is no church service tonight.
Well, it doesn't say that on the sign in front of the church - or on the website.
I called my Stephens Minister . She and I haven't seen eachother in a while, and we planned to meet up tonight. I told her I was running about an hour earlier than planned.
We met in Studio City at Panera Cafe . All I wanted was a decaf and a cookie. But I noticed the serve Organic Chicken - so I will be going back there soon.
And ... they have Wi-Fi too. I haven't been out with my laptop yet. I have to make a point to go back there.
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