Donna in Hollywoodland

Cruel People

I guess having breast cancer is making me more aware of my mortality, and I am tending to appreciate things more and be alittle nostalgic and sentimental. I have had the desire to get in touch with many people from my past, and touch base with them and see how they are doing. Even if it is to just email or chat on the phone. A few times its resulted in meeting for lunch or hanging out. Or ... at least saying we are going to meet for lunch and hang out. A few people have even ended up recommending churches or cancer groups that a friend or relative went to.
I end up feeling good that I have touched base with someone I have lost contact with. Its made me realize that in the City of L.A., there is so much going on that its easy to move on to the next thing, and forget about friends left behind.

So I emailed a group of four friends that I had lost touch with. I think I have emailed them about three times in the last four years, but we really haven't stayed connected. This time I told them I had breast cancer, and what was happening with the doctors, and told them I was thinking about them.
Three of them emailed me back encouraging words, one person suggesting we meet up soon maybe one day after work. The last person emailed me, and the tone of their email was something like "I'm sorry you have cancer. But I don't want you to email me anymore. You have always been a selfish person, and you don't care about anyone but yourself. Three years ago you did this certain thing which was really rude. And four years ago you did another thing which was rude. And one time when I emailed you three years ago, you didn't email me back. If you paid more attention to me and what was going on in my life, then maybe I would be more interested in your life."
End of email.

I was sitting at my desk, trying not to cry. At first I took it pretty personally.
Then I thought - maybe there is something really wrong with this person. Maybe they are sick, or having mental problems.

I called two of the other friends and asked them what was going on. Was this cruel person in trouble? Was this person still mentally stable ?
They just replied to let it go, because they both know that this person says alot of things not caring who they hurt, or how rude they are being, when they say them.
This person justs open their mouth and whatever they want comes out, with no thought to the other person.

If this person had really wanted to constructively deal with issues in what they perceived to be flaws in my personality, they would have talked to me about these issues years ago when they first happened. I mean, I have known this person for 20 years. Yeah, thats right - Twenty Years.
If they had brought them up back then, I think they could have had a valid point. Or if they had written to me 6 months ago and said them, I still would have listened.
But they waited until I told them I had cancer, to reply and tell me what a rotten person I was 3 years ago.
What a horrid, inhuman thing to do to someone ... kicking someone when they are down. It was the most cruel thing I think anyone has ever done to me.
I felt like they waited until I was at my worst, just to squash me and try to destroy me.

I talked to the Stephens Minister about this, and two other friends. They all told me the same thing. The response I received has nothing to do with me. It was all about this person and whatever their problems are. A truly sincere person would not behave that way. Especially when it is so easy to just delete an email from someone you don't like. They could have deleted my email, or blocked my email account, and just ignored me.

I thought about writing this person a letter and I started one. I tried to rationalize and imagine what they were thinking. Were they afraid of sick people and needed to push me away for their own emotional safety.
After a day or two I decided that someone that cruel was not worth the time or effort for me to reach out any further.
To say these things to me, on the day I tell them that I have cancer, was just horrid and inhuman.
And its best to stay as far away as possible from someone like that.
Right now I need positive and rational people in my life.